I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
