i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I could make wine with my vomit
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
