do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
