I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
