The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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