he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
