ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
