One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
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im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
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Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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