you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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