i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
