you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
