My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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