Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize