I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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