and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
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