just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
