I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
