Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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