Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize