Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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