My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
