All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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