We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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