are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
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i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
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After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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