He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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