Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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