My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
