there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
