You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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