Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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