so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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