i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
