dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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