why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
