I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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