Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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