I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
