plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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