So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
