Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
