So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
