I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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