He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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