Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
