A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs