Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
