Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
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I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
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wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack