Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.