dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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