Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s