if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
