Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
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i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
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Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.