Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
