her vagine was all disorganized.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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