the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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