I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
