Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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