It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
