It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
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Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Vodka?
Forever.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
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I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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