I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
