how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
