I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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