If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
