Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
