what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
