just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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