Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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