You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He shit in the fireplace
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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