Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
