In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
