I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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