Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
