So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
