Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Couch. On fire.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
