i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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