i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
