do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The power of my boobs compel you
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
