yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
hell yes lets make some ravioli
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
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What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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