Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My first STD was from a foam party
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
