Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
