You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
