sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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