Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
